Grand Hotel
Pretoria
(Wednesday) 11 September 1912
My dear own Sweetheart
I have very little news to tell you, but what bit there is you shall have. On Saturday night as it was rather cold Miss M & I did not go to the military tattoo but went to a music hall cum bioscope instead. It was not much of a show & I didn’t enjoy it a bit. I think it was because I had a rotten feeling of depression. After supper I took her home & went to bed at 11-30.
I slept till 11.30 Sunday morning & would have gone on longer only the chamber maid came in & made remarks about people having sleeping sickness so I gently persuaded her to fetch me some fruit & then I would get up. I wrote till lunch & after allowing half an hour for my lunch to digest I went across to my sample room & worked till 7-0 o’clock. After dinner I went back again & worked till ten o’clock. Then I went to bed. Monday I had arranged for appointments but the men excused themselves on some pretext or other so after eleven o’clock it was a very idle day. I saw the kiddies quite by accident & the inevitable result was more pink cakes & ‘lass of milk warm this time. I said good bye to them & Betty & Topsy both begged hard to come with me & when they saw it was hopeless they cried – poor little beggars. Monday night I took Miss M to another show & after a farewell supper I said goodbye to her. Tuesday I had three men in one after the other & started work wit the first one at eight o’clock.
Then I packed up & when it came to paying my bill I hadn’t sufficient money so I had to make a clean breast of it & ask them to let me send the balance on. I arrived here late last night & after a good nights rest I arose at ten o’clock this morning, engaged a sample room & made an appointment. This afternoon everywhere is closed. It is just like Saturday at home. Even the banks are closed. I am writing letters this afternoon & making up arrears of correspondence which has been somewhat neglected of late. I intend paying a visit to some friends of Miss Appleton (I don’t think you know her albeit she lives in Old Trafford). Their place is about 100 miles east of Bloemfontein & I ought to have a nice weekend with them provided I can finish here by Friday afternoon & I ought to do that easily. I booked in Joburg about 65,000 yards & if business had been good I should have got at least 165,000 yds but twas hopeless so I gnashed my teeth & said nothing.
I do enjoy writing my letters to you. It is almost like talking to you & really with your photograph in front of me I can just imagine it. By the way Miss Millar thinks you have a sweet face & that you must be a charming girl. I quite agreed with he & as it is more than likely she will go home next year I do hope you will be able to see her with Tony & take them out with me. I have photographs of the kiddies & will guard them zealously for you to see. Now dearest & sweetest of girls I am going to dine & will resume this on Friday. The portion I have drawn a line around [in blue above] reads funnily but you know how I mean it don’t you.
12/9/12 I received your letter this morning & really sweetheart my heart bleeds for you. I cannot express in mere words what I really feel for you. You have had nothing but trouble for years & years & all the responsibility has been yours. I do wish with all my heart my dearest that I was at home but yet I could do nothing but comfort you to the best of my ability. You will think me an awful bounder for writing as I have done & I beg of you to forget it. I trust you implicitly as you know & you are the best judge of matters & I leave it to you. What can I do to help you. You have only to ask for anything & you shall have it. I spent last evening in the hotel reading & I came across one passage which struck me very much. It is as follows:
"We know the name of divine madness but know not why it comes. Suddenly after long years, in a crowded place or in a solitude where two are, it is upon you or upon me. The blood is changed to strange, ethereal ichor, the pulse beats to a tune that is as old as the Earth itself, but yet eternally new. Every breath we draw is rapture, every step we take leads us one way. One voice calls through all the voices, one hand beckons whether it will or no, & we follow because we must. With the Atlantic rolling between us I can feel your heart beat against mine & your lips breathe into me your soul. The light that was upon your face, the look that was in your eyes as you gave the unforgettable, immemorial kiss, the clasp of your hands, the rising & falling of your bosom, like a wave beneath a sea bird. Like a sea bird above a wave shall be with me always even to the end of time & beyond it. For there are many loves, but one Love."
I wish I could clothe my thoughts in such beautiful language as that. Isn’t it lovely; & for a man who is as madly in love as I am, the reading of it gave me such beautiful divine thoughts, that I was transported from mere Earth. How is it possible for me to put into cold writing what I think of you. How is it possible for me to express the maddening passionate desire to be with you always & for all time. How can I express one hundredth part of my love for you. It is a sheer impossibility & I can only hope you will understand as far as possible. For one kiss & to embrace you I would sacrifice almost everything but two cannot live on love alone, & to be absolutely happy (which my darling sweetheart will be my one aim in life when we are married) you must look at the practical side of things. My love for you has increased a hundred – nay a thousand fold since I left you & my whole being is centred on getting back to you. For when one loves it is necessary to make sacrifice & you never know what it was to me to come away & leave you to fight the battle alone. It was only the fact that it would bring our marriage much nearer that decided me to come out & I really honestly think it will make quite twelve months difference. As you know I never could save money but this has made things so bright. The outlook is distinctly healthy & heavens Dolly you don’t know how I look forward to my married life. I thought many & many a time when I was in Durban & joking with the kiddies what a heavenly life it must be to have two or three youngsters & a charmingly sweet wife.
I don’t know what to say about you taking the other appointment. You are the best judge & if you think it will be to your advantage by all means take it. Financially I think it would be better, but sweetheart it is absolutely no bally use at all, I must insist that you do not over work yourself. With all the worries you have you cannot possibly stand the extra strain & I rely on you to take things easily. I haven’t got your letter by me at the moment as I have left it in my sample room, but you mention Northwich as one of the places. You might look Florrie up if you have time. She thinks a lot about you & would be awfully pleased to see you; still I leave it to you. The feathers you will receive about the end of October as I can’t keep them back till Xmas. There is no doubt about me catching the boat on the 2nd of Oct provided I can get a berth, & I shall not know until a fortnight hence whether there will be one vacant.
Now my love in your great trouble do not worry about it. It is one of the inevitable results of life & if the worst should happen, which I hope & pray will not, bear up under the great strain & thank your Maker that physical pain has been spared Auntie. Darling I can’t write what is in my heart but my whole feeling goes out to you & my every thought is of you. I do hope & trust that Auntie will be spared for many many years to come & that this illness is only of a temporary nature. I will find time to write her a short note this mail. Now I have an appointment & will not have time to add anything further so will close.
My dearest love sweetheart
Yours for all time
Harry