{403}

The Flyin’ Childer.

A’m skers sure ef a can tell ’ee ’t ahl right, but a guess a mind it as ’t wor tell’t me’a. Le’ssee, na’ow! Theer wor wanst a chap’s wor gra’at fur tha wimmen-fo’ak, an’ cud’n’t kep out o’ tha wa’ay ef a tried ever so; th’ varry soight o’ a pittyco’t ha’f a mile off ’n th’ road ’d ca’all un fur to foller ’n. ’N’ wan da’ay, as ’t mout be, a come ker-bang ra’ound a co’ner, ’n’ theer wor a rampin’ maid, settin’ her loan an’ washin’ asel’, an’ th’ fond chap wor ahl outer ’s wit’s to wanst. An’ th’ upshot o’ ’t wor, ’s a sweer a ’d wed her, ef her ’d come ho’am wi’ ’m; ’n’ says she:

“A’ll come, ’n welcome!” says she, “but thou’ll mun sweer as thou’ll wed ma.”

“A will,” says he, “a sweer ’t!”—an’ a thowt to ’msel’, ower th’ lef’ showther, that!”

“Thou’ll mun wed ma i’ cho’ch,” says she.

“A will!” says he—“Ef a iver put foot in,” he thowt to ’msel’.

“An’ ef thou do’ant, what’ll a forspell ’ee?” says she.

“Lawks,” says he, fur a wor feared o’ bein’ forspellt, {404} which be main mischancy, seest tha; “do’ant ’ee overlook ma, do’ant ’ee! Ef a do’ant wed tha, mout th’ wo’ms e’at ma”—“(Thor ba’oun’ fur to do ’t annywa’ays!” thinks he to ’msel)—“an’ th’ childer hev wings ’n’ fly awa’ay.” (An’ none gra’at matter ef tha do!” says he to ’msel’.)

But th’ maid didn’t know as a wor thinkin’, an’ a want wi’ ’m. An’ by-’n’-by tha coom to ’n’ cho’ch.

“Thou’ll can wed ma here-by,” says she, tweakin ’s arm. “No’a!” says he, “th’ pa’asson’s a-huntin’.” So tha went on a bit furder, an’ coom to ’nother cho’ch.

“Wal’, here-by?” says she.

“No’a!” says he; “pa’asson’s none sober ’nuff, ’n’ clerk’s drunk.”

“Wal’!” says she, “mebbe tha’ll can wed ’s, fur all thar i’ liquor.”

“Houts!” says he, an’ gi’s her a kick.

So on tha want ag’ean, an’ by-’n’-by, a meets wi’ a t’ylorman, an’ a says, says a, ” Wheer’s th’ me’aster?”

“Ooh, da’own-by! ” says th’ au’d feller.

So a went on a bit furder, while tha coom to a wise woman, plaitin’ straws, an’ a says to a, “Wheer’s th’ au’d mun?”

“Da’own-by!” says she.

So on tha want, while a coom to ’n bit cottage by th’ la’ane side, an a knockit an’ kicked at th’ door tell ’t shuk, but niver a wo’d coom f’um inn’ard. So a wa’alked ra’at in, an’ theer wor ’n au’d mun lyin’ slepin’ ’n’ snorin’ on ’s bed.

Wal’, th’ young chap keck’t aba’out ’un fur summat handy, ’n’ seen ’n axe, so a oop wi’ ’t ’n’ brained th’ au’d feller, ’n’ chopped ’s feet ’n’ han’s off’n ’um. An’ than a set to ’n’ cle’aned oop th’ pla’ace, ’n’ thrung th’ corp out o’ winder, ’n’ lat fire i’ th’ hearth, while ahl wor smart ’n’ natty.

An’ by-’n’-by, keckin’ ower ’s showther, a seed th’ wise woman stealin’ th’ corp awa’ay wi’ a.

“Hi!” says th’ chap; “th’ corp’s mine, seest tha. What thou do’n’ wi’ ’m?”

{405} “A’ll barry ’m fur tha,” says she.

“No’a thou wunt,” says he, “a’ll do ’t masel’.”

“Wall, then,” says she, ” A’ll stan’ by.”

“No’a, thou wunt!” says he, “a’ll can do ’t better ma lo’an.”

“Ta’ake thy wa’ay, fool,” says she, “but gi’ ma th’ axe, then, ’stead o’ th’ corp.”

“No’a, a wunt!” says he; “a mout want her age’an.”

“Hi!” says th’ wise woman, “none give, none have; red han’ an’ lyin’ lips!”

An’ a want awa’ay, mutterin’ an’ twistin’ ’s fingers.

So th’ chap buried th’ corp, but less a furgot wheer ’t wor, a lef’ wan arm stickin’ oot o’ th’ gra’oun’, an’ th’ feet ’n’ han’s a chuck to th’ pigs, an’ says he to th’ gal:

“A’ll ga ’n snare a cony; see thou kep to th’ ha’ouse”; ’n’ off a want.

Th’ gal diddle-daddled aba’out, ’n’ presently th’ pigs ’gun squealin’ ’s if a wor kill’t.

“An’ oh!” says th’ gal, “what’n ’s amiss wi’ ’m, fur so to squeal?”

An’ th’ dead feet up an’ said, “We be amiss, us’ll trample th’ pigs tell thou bury us!”

So a took th’ feet, an’ put ’em i’ yarth.

An’ by-’n’-by th’ pigs la’ay da’own ’n’ died.

“Oh! oh!” says th’ gal, “what be th’ matter wi’ ’m fur so to die?”

An’ th’ dead han’s up an’ cried, “We be th’ matter, we’s chocked um!”

So a want ’n’ barried ’em too.

An’ by-’n’-by a heerd summat a-callin’, ’n’ a-callin’ on her, an’ a want fur to see what a wanted.

“Who be a-ca’allin’?” says she.

“Thou ’s put us wrong!” said th’ feet an’ han’s; “we be feelin’, an’ we be creepin’, an’ we ca’ant fin’ th’ rest o’ ’s annywheers. Put us by th’ au’d mun, wheer ’s arm sticks oot o’ groun’, or we’ll tickle tha wi’ fingers an’ tread tha wi’ toes, till thou loss tha wits.”

{406} So a dug ’em up, ’n’ put ’em by th’ au’d mun.

An’ by-’n’-by th’ young chap coom back, an’ ca’alled fur ’s dinner.

“Wheer’s th’ childer?” says he.

“Ooh, gath’rin’ berries!” says she.

“Berries i’ spring?” says he; an’ kep on wi’ ’s eatin’. But when noight coom an’ tha wornt ho’am:

“Wheer’s th’ childer?” says he.

“Gone a fishin’,” says she.

“Ay,” says he, “’n’ th’ babby, too?”

An’ coom th’ mornin’, a shuk th’ gal oop sudden, an’ bawled in ’s earn:

“Wheer’s th’ childer?”

“Ooh!” says she ’n a hurry, “flown awa’ay, th’ childer hev!”

“Tha hev?” says he. “Then thou’ll can goo arter ’m!” An’ a oop wi’ th’ axe ’n’ chopped her i’ pieces ’n’ shuv th’ bits unner th’ bed.

Wal, by-’n’-by, th’ childer coom flyin’ back, an’ keek’t aba’out fur th’ mother, but tha seed nowt.

“Wheer’s mother?” tha said to th’ chap.

“Gone to buy bacon,” says he, feelin’ oneasy.

“Bacon?” says tha; “an’ wi’ flitches hangin’ ready?”

’N’ presently tha comes age’an, ’n’ says:

“Wheer’s mother na’ow?”

“Gone to seek thou,” says a, shakin’ unner th’ clo’es. “Ay?” says tha, “an’ we here!”

An’ fore a cud get oot o’ bed tha coom ahl ra ound un, an’ pointed at un wi’ ’s fingers:

“Wheer’s mother to-na’ow?”

“Ooh!” a squealed, “unner th’ bed!” An’ a put ’s head unner th’ blunket.

Tha childer pulled oot th’ bits, an’ fell to weepin’ an’ wailin’ as tha pieced un togither. An’ th’ chap, a want fur to crep to th’ door ’n’ get awa’ay, but tha cot un, an’ took th’ axe ’n’ chopped un oop loike th’ gal, an’ lef’ un lyin’ whiles tha want awa’ay grattin’.

{407} Soon ’s a wor sure a wor de’ad, up a got ’n’ shook ’s sel’, an’ theer wor th’ gal, stannin’ waitin’ fur ’n wi’ ’s long claws a’out, an’ ’s teeth gibberin’ an’ ’s eyne blazin’ loike a green cat, gan’ to spring. An’ nat’rally th’ chap wor feared, an’ a runned, an’ runned, an’ runned, so ’s to git awa’ay; but she runned efter, wi ’s long claws strot out, till a cu’d feel un ticklin’ th’ back o’ ’s neck, an’ strainin’ wi’ th’ longin’ to chock un. An’ a ca’lled a’out to the thunner:

“Strike ma de’ad!”

But th’ thunner wud’n’t, for a wor de’ad a’ready.

An’ a runned to th’ fire an’ begged:

“Burn ma oop!”

But tha fire wud’n’t, fur th’ chill o’ de’ath put ’n a’out.

An’ a thrung ’s sel’ in th’ water, an’ said:

“Draown me blue!”

But th’ watter wudn’t, fur th’ death-colour wor comin’ in ’s fa’ace a’ready.

An’ a tuk th’ axe ’n’ tried to cut ’s thro’at, but th’ axe wud’n’t.

An’ to last, a thrung ’s sel’ into th’ gra’ound, an’ ca’alled fur th’ wo’ms to eat un, so ’s a cu’d rest in ’s grave an’ be quit o’ th’ woman.

But by-’n’-by oop crep a gra’at wo’m, an’ a stra’ange an’ gra’at thing ’t wor, wi’ th’ gal’s head o’ th’ en’ o’ its long slimy body, an’ ’t crep oop aside un an’ ra’oun’ about, ’n’ over un, while a druv awa’ay all th’ other wo’ms, an’ than a set to, to eat un ’s sel’.

“Ooh, eat ma quick, eat ma quick!” a squeels.

“Stiddy, na’ow!” says th’ wo’m, “good food’s wuth th’ meal-toime. Thou ho’d still, ’n’ let ma ’njoy masel’.”

“Eat ma quick, eat ma quick!” said he.

“Do’ant thou haste ma, a tell ’ee,” says th’ wo’m, “a ’s gettin’ on fine. Thou’st nigh gone na’ow.” An’ a smacked ’s lips wi’ th’ goodness o’ ’t.

“Quick!” a whispit age’an.

“Whist, thou’st ’n onpatient chap,” says th’ wo’m.

{408} An’ a swallered th’ last bit, an’ th’ lad wor all go’an, an’ ’d got awa’ay f’um th’ gal to last.

An’ that’s ahl.

rough notes.

Not quite sure if remember—think can tell as told me. Once was a lad—fond of girls—couldn’t keep away from petticoats. Came round corner “kerbang” on girl washing herself—swore he’d wed her, if she’d follow him. She makes him swear—he does it “ower th’ lef’ shouther”. In church, she says. Says he will, “if ever he goes in” (aside). Threatens to “forespell” him if he doesn’t. He says, “Mout th’ wo’ms eat ma of a don’t”—“Bound do it anyway”—and children fly away—“no great matter” (aside). So they went on—came to church—girl wants to go in. He says no, parson hunting. Go on to next church—says, “No; parson’s tipsy, and clerk’s drunk.” She says might wed them for all that. He kicks her. Meet a tailor—ask him for the master. “Down-by”. Meet wise woman plaiting straws. “Wheer’s au’d mun?” “Down-by.” Come to cottage, knock—no answer, go in—old man asleep on bed. Lad takes axe, brains him, chops feet and hands—throws out of window. Cleaned place—lit fire. Wise woman tries to steal corpse. “Hi, that’s mine.” “I’ll bury it.” “No, do ’t masel’.” “I’ll stand by.” “No, do better alone.” “Give axe instead.” “No, might need it.” “None give, none have; red hand, lying lips.” He buries corpse—leaves arm sticking up—feet and hands to the pigs. Says to gal, “Get cony; you keep house.” Girl diddle-daddles—pigs squeal. “What’s amiss?” Dead feet say, “We trample pigs—bury us.” She does. Pigs die. “What’s matter?” Dead hands say, “Choking pigs—bury us.” She does. They call—she goes. Say, “Can’t feel body—must be buried by it, or haunt her.” She does. Lad comes home. “Where’s childer?” “Gathering berries.” “In spring?” Night comes. “Where’s childer?” “Fishing.” “Baby too?” Morning—wakes her suddenly. “Where’s childer?”; “Flown away.” “You go too.” Chops her—puts under bed. Children come back. “Where’s mother?” “Buying bacon.” “With flitches here?” “Wheer’s mother?” “Seeking you.” “We here?” Crowd round bed. “Where’s mother?” “Under bed!” They pull her out—weep—chop him up too. He gets up—shakes. Girl up too—“wi’ long claws out”—gibbering—eyes green. He runs—she runs after—claws out—tickle his neck—longs to choke him. He calls thunder—strike him dead. “No, dead already.” To fire, “Burn ma oop.” “No, ‘chill o’ death’ put out fire.” Water, “Drown ma blue.” “No, dead blue already.” Axe, “Cut throat.” Wouldn’t. Went to ground, calls worms—great worm comes— {409} drives off others. Girl’s head. “Eat ma quick.” “Good food’s worth meal-time.” “Eat ma quick.” “No haste—nigh gone.” “Quick.” “You’re impatient.” Last bit—all gone—got rid of girl. That’s all.

Suppose all rubbish—but murderers may be chased by people they kill—think likely.